Bonds that make our lives.

I look to the east, I look to the west, lost my mind, where do I really belong? No guess at all… 

Have you ever felt like you don’t belong to where you are right now? Or where you used to be? Guess what, I have felt that every single time…. and the moment I get used to my environment, something changes, drastically and severely leaving me hopeless and frustrated again again and again. When I look into the pictures of my old folks, I look at them and I am like: ” Wow, I am glad I don’t live with them anymore, because, dude! I am so different from them!”
The way they live, the way the cloth, the way the talk, their life, everything seems completely different, yet I miss them. Yet I know that in the bottom of my heart  if I was actually there in that country I would meet them and hug them, ask them how are they and have an actual conversation, not the dull and formal how-are-you’s in an online site but an actual friendly conversation!

But I am here. In another country, living, breathing, clothing, talking differently. And even here, I feel that part of me does not belong here. That the people who I talk to aren’t meant to be those who I can trust with my eyes closed. Not that I don’t trust them, but the bond that I want to have with someone, it just doesn’t happen to be with them. Is it weird?

And even though I don’t feel the home feeling with the people I meet,talk, eat and practically live with, deep down I know that someday, again, there will be a moment when I again will be in a different country, looking at their Facebook pictures and being like.. ” Damn… I really miss them.”

Why does this happen? And does that happen to just me? Am I the only one who sometimes sits their while eating their lunch and thinking how weird it is to not have a real bond with someone? To actually know someone deep from their heart, and them knowing me, the bond where they look at me and in an instant moment they know there is something bothering me. Do you have a bond like that? With anyone?

” Katrina ” Part 1

” Katrina!” Called mom while I was sitting near the shore, looking into the water and listening to the beautiful sound of the waves, I didn’t realize I have been sitting here for more than 30 minutes. Why is mom so worried all the time? I wondered inside. She should take it easy sometimes… I thought to my self while getting up to see what mom wanted. And then I remembered, it was 4:45 pm and at 5 was my so called future fiancé was coming. All I was wearing was an old dress with my hair untidy on my shoulders and  I barefoot. Who needs sandals? I love the feeling of the sand on my feet, I never wear slippers to the beach.

I was running inside my house when I saw him, he was wearing a suit and was standing with flowers. Who on earth is he? Why would mom make me marry him when I don’t even know him? Yet on top of that, I didn’t even finish my medical university. I am only twenty!  I know that dad passed away and that she can’t afford the living, but I also know that, it wasn’t the real excuse she was making me marry this guy. It was that the people around the village thought I had an affair, because, well, I didn’t want to marry anyone. Thats why! And here comes the prince charming, rich, shaved, with flowers. Doesn’t even know me but wants to marry me. What kind of a guy is he?

I quickly hid my self and went inside the house from the back door. Quickly going upstairs into my room. Closing the door after my self. ” Katrina! Where are you? I swear this girl will never ever get anything in her life….” Said mom. The door rang.

I quickly combed my hair, put on my white ballerina shoes with a soft pink dress that had a white belt with a bow in the middle. I loved dresses. Even though I had those really bad looking legs from playing a lot of sports outside, I never hesitated showing them. After all, each marks define who I am.

” Katrina! ” Cried my big brother, oh my god, I think I should change my name. Frustrated, I was going downstairs, to see my fiancé and to talk to him. There you go, my new life. I don’t even know his name, but I will be his wife in a few months,most probably, if by any chance  I make my mom think about it  giving me time and letting me at least finish my 2 years of medical before marrying this guy.

 

Yes, I started writing my own I don’t know, book? Story? Doesn’t matter, I always enjoyed writing in this form more than in the form of poetry.Gave me the ability to show my feelings in words more than in a 4 line paragraph.

WordPress, bloggger, tumblr, or other?

I have always been thinking why exactly did I choose wordpress.com for blogging. And to be honest, I never find an answer that would actually make sense. I just find it home. You know when you see that specific apartment/villa/house at times when you need one and you are like ” This is it.” Not because it is the most biggest one that will make all your friends jealous, not because it is cheap, but for a reason that you will never really understand, only feel.

WordPress has become that tiny house for me, full of amazing neighbors ( you readers! ) . I mean I can’t believe that someone who wrote some amazing book that I am willing to buy, would actually like my poem! Or someone who I just love and feel so passionate about would come to my blog and comment, saying something good about me. Every single time when I see you the reader writing something for me, and when I check your blog, I feel so good about my self. Because YOU wrote that. And it feels so unbelievable. 

WordPress has become my home, believe it or not, I forget about my Facebook page while I am over here. It just feels right. Thank you for my first followers: 

Katrin Ann Willis  http://katrinaannewillis.com/ who not just helped me by following my blog, but inspired me to continue my blog.

The Iris And The Lily,  http://theirisandthelily.wordpress.com/ who was my first follower and I also adore her blog for her beautiful pictures.

You guys are awesome! Thank you for making this kido smile and happy for following her and giving her a chance. And no, you reader who is reading this, you too.

Love you all!

xoxo